Birth story of Anna Grace

Disclaimer: this may be a little graphic for some, read at your own risk!

Wednesday night I started feeling some pain in my back, it would come and go, but without contractions. It made me think it could be my body preparing for labor and knowing she was posterior, I expected I could have back labor. I went to bed around 11-12 and grabbed the heating pad, because in certain positions, I could really feel the pain in my back. I slept until about 4, on and off, when I woke up with a good contraction and then another maybe 15 minutes later. I decided I wouldn't be able to sleep through this and decided to get up and take a shower. I knew it could be the start of labor, but didn't want to get my hopes up. I had another contraction in the shower, and DH peeked his head in to ask what I was doing. I still wasn't confident to say I was in labor, so I told him I was having some contractions, but it was probably nothing and to go back to bed.I came downstairs and started brewing some tea, since I've heard it can help while in labor. I started timing contractions and came on here, and realized they were a steady 7-10 min apart lasting a minute. After 5-6 of them, I wasn't 100% sure still (I have no idea why) but decided to call my parents. It was about 5:30am at this point. The pain was definitely intense, I couldn't focus through the contractions, and my hips and back hurt like heck. I finally broke down in tears after one because of the pain. My labor with Abigail was not this intense from the start, and the pain I was feeling was much worse. I started to question my decision to do this naturally, but knew I wouldn't back out now. I decided at this point, if this wasn't it, my body had to be playing a very cruel joke on me. My parents arrived around 6:30 and Abby had woken up, so we started getting her ready for the day. DH asked if I wanted to call the birth center and I told him no, I wanted to wait until things got closer and more intense. My mom stepped in and told me no, she felt things were moving along and I needed to go. I gave in and DH called the birth center to let them know we would be coming in. I realized some of the contractions were at 4-5 minutes so I realized it was probably a good idea. Things went fast with Abby once I hit transition, so I didn't want to risk cutting it too close.We arrived at the birth center at 7:45 at the same time as my midwife, Kip, and she started filling the tub. I went right to the bathroom and realized my body started the whole cleaning itself out process and also noticed some bloody show. I think I still questioned if this was the real deal, but decided those were good signs, lol I jumped right into the tub when it was filled and it felt so good. It didn't relieve the pain, but when I got out for the first time, I realized sitting in the tub actually took some of the intensity off the contractions. I got out a few times to pee and felt like things were slowing down in the tub. I think it was about 9am and I realized my contractions were about 7 min apart still in the tub, so I decided to get out. I paced the room, sat on the toilet and the birth ball...I really had no idea what I wanted, but I thought I would just try different things to see if anything really worked. The contractions really hurt at this point, the pain in my back and hips was very intense. Nothing seemed to work to help relieve it, and I finally decided I needed to get back in the tub, if only to get a little bit of relief. My sister had arrived and everyone was in and out of the room, including Abby to visit me and see how things were going. It was nice to just be in a peaceful setting and let things happen as they were going to. I enjoyed being alone for the most part though, so I could focus and feel free to labor how I was comfortable. I was definitely more vocal with this labor, moaning through each contractions, because that's just what felt good to get through the pain of the contractions. Once I got back in the tub, I got my knees and leaned against the side of the tub, the only position that seemed to make an ounce of difference for my comfort. After about 2-3 contractions, I looked at whoever was in the room (I can't remember if it was my midwife or DH) and said "I think things are getting close" because I was starting to feel some pressure. Things are a bit of a blur from that point, but I stayed in that position and things intensified quickly. My contractions were definitely very close together and I was feeling pressure with each one. After a few more, I felt my body start to push. WOW! I couldn't believe the feeling, it's just indescribable. I kept my face buried in the towel I had laying on the side of the tub, but was aware that they had started letting my support people into the room, DH, my mom and sister, along with the 2 midwives and doula that were there. Feeling her come down was so painful, yet such a relief at the same time. I put my hand down and could feel the baby's head pushing up against everything, but she wasn't crowning yet. Clarice had stepped in to see how things were progressing, and told me that she was right there and she could feel the sac. Then I realized my water had never broken, and she was coming out in her sac. I kept feeling as she came out, and it was just amazing to feel the bulge of her sac instead of her head, which I had expected to feel all along. My body took over and I just pushed as I felt the urge. My midwives kept telling me what a great job I was doing and to go with it, which was so encouraging. I remember screaming at some point "Get her out!" as she was starting to crown. It was this overwhelming urge to push her out, that I just couldn't control. I screamed with every push because it felt like the only way to relieve the feeling. After she crowned, it was only 1 or 2 pushes and I felt her head slip out, then her body. What a huge relief! I reached down and picked her up out of the water and leaned back into the tub and put her to my chest. I remember saying "Wow, there really was a baby in there!" because the whole experience still seemed so unreal.We sat in the tub until the placenta was delivered then they helped me out and into the bed. They let my dad and Abby come in at that point, so Abby could meet her new little sister. I started nursing her, and she pretty much didn't want to let go! She ended up nursing for an hour, then I stopped her so we could check her weight and length and they could check me to see how my bleeding was and if I tore. I was amazed to find out that I didnt' have even a small tear, and I honestly felt great! I was physically a little sore, but I didn't feel even half as bad as I did after having Abigail. I know she turned before she came out, because she came out the right way, but I never felt it or realized it when I did feel it. I know she was still posterior through most of the labor though, because I could still feel moving in the same places.We decided on the name Annabelle (Anna) Grace and she weighed 8lbs 8oz and 21.5in long. She was born at 9:56am and I was amazed to see her head full of dark hair. She nursed for another 2 hours at the birth center and I realized I already had a marathon nurser on my hands! She passed a ton of meconium while we were there before we took the herbal bath, so I knew she was already getting something. We went home after 5 hours and have been relaxing here ever since. The entire expereince was just amazing overall. Giving birth completely natural was so empowering. It was so much tougher than I expected, with the back labor, but the overall experience of birthing in the birth center over the hospital, was better. I enjoyed being just free in my labor, and moving around helped a ton to get through the contractions. I know if I had been in a hospital, I would have never made it without asking for an epidural. My recovery has been extremely easy, and I feel great just 48 hours later. It's so nice to be home and relax instead of being stuck in the hospital for several days. I would do this all again in a heartbeat!

Annabelle Grace

Annabelle Grace arrived in this world on December 11th, at 9:56am.

She weighed 8lbs 8oz and was 21.5in long

My labor was amazing, only 6 hours long, lots of back labor, but I feel so empowered to have done it naturally. I gave birth at the Greenhouse Birth Center with my husband, mom, sister and midwives looking on. I'll post a quick picture, since Anna is waking up, and I'll copy my birth story off of the forums next time I get a chance.

Patiently waiting for baby

HA! Give me a break, that was easy to say 3 months ago. Now, not so much. I think patience flies out the window once you pass your due date and are still pregnant. I am DONE! I am miserable and uncomfortable and just flat out done being pregnant. I have baked my little one for well over 40 weeks and endured the aches, discomforts and emotional strain to go along with it. I can't help but to think, what is wrong with me? Is there something wrong with my body or my baby that is preventing me from going into labor or her from being born yet? Will I be one of those women who goes well over a week overdue - or....MORE! Ahhh! I'd like to keep faith in my body and trust that it will do what it needs to and go into labor when we're both ready. I have seen women go 10-14 or even more days over and it makes me wonder, why? Or is it just a misconception that all babies should be born by now, like the 37 week "full term"?
Either way, I'm miserable and very ready for this pregnancy to be over with! 40 weeks and 2 days is plenty for me, and I know I am doing everything possible to give this baby the best start. So why me? Why am I one of the unlucky ones?
I'm starting to think that I need to just disconnect myself from everyone completely for a few days. It's doing well to keep my spirits up, but I don't even want to think about being pregnant anymore or even about the baby for that matter. I know that sounds horrible, but I have definitely felt more disconnected from this pregnancy than I was with the last one. I think much of it is just this being the second baby and learning to split my love and attention. I know once she is born, that will all change. It's just so hard to walk into her room or see her things and be constantly reminded that she should be using these things. I walked into her room yesterday to put a new outfit away and couldn't even let myself think about her at that point. I just felt so depressed looking at all of the baby items in her closet, waiting to be used. Is it better this way? I don't know, I'm starting to wonder if I should get myself more involved in this pregnancy and get psyched up for labor and birth again. I don't want to watch A Baby Story or birth videos online. I want to be inspired, to get myself excited about this birth, but I hate the constant reminder of not having that yet. I know that once this baby is here, in the grand scheme of things, this will be nothing. I will forget all about the way I have felt these past few days and weeks. The problem is, how to get through it? How do I get through each day and deal with the different emotions I'm going through? The anticipation of what is to come is the worst, not knowing when it will happen or if it could be a day or a week.

Getting discouraged

I know this is silly, but I have to admit that I am getting discouraged. I know that every baby comes when they are ready and that no woman will be pregnant forever. There are so many babies being born in the DDC right now though, and so many of them at 37 and 38 weeks. It's hard not to think "Why not me? Why am I still pregnant and miserable?" I know when this baby was concieved from charting, so my dates are 100%, along with my due date. I went into labor and Abigail was born on her due date, based off of ovualtion, so all along, I've suspected that I won't stray too far from that pattern. I've been guessing 2 days either way of my due date (with the rare chance I'll have another due date baby) That would mean this baby will come in the next 4 days, and I just hope I'm right! I'm only 2 days from my due date now, and so discouraged. I want to just be relaxed about it all, to sit back and let labor happen when it will. Let's face it, what control do we have over it anyway? It seems silly to stress over something that I have no control over in the first place. But that just isn't helping the anxiety. The thoughts of "It could be any time". I've been trying to keep myself occupied and keep my mind off of things, but I'm having such a hard time. No matter how much I try, my mind keeps wandering to the pregnancy and impending labor. Why does the end of pregnancy have to be this difficult? Can't I just find something to occupy me so I'm not thinking about it so much?
It doesn't help that my body has been in full gear prep for the past 2 days. DH and I DTD a few days ago which I think is helping my body prepare. On Thursday, I had contractions all day long along with losing big pieces of my mucous plug. I'm losing even more today. Even though I've had both of these things for the past few weeks, paired together like that, it makes me believe my body is in full gear, getting ready for labor. Of course it could still be another week, or just a few days, there is just no way to know. I just keep hoping it's sooner rather than later. I can only see myself getting even more discouraged if this baby is still hanging out in a week.
There are times that I want to just enjoy this pregnancy for the little bit I have left. I'm so uncomfortable though, and now I'm not sleeping worth crap. Having a newborn isn't a walk in the park, but at least I will have somewhat have my body back! Everytime I try to nurse Abigail, it makes me wish even more that this pregnancy is over with. It has affected our nursing relationship and I know she is just as emotionally torn as I am about it. She barely tries to nurse anymore, and I'm sure it's because she can sense how tense I am going into it. It always hurts, but now it's a whole new type of pain than I've been experiencing the rest of the pregnancy. I just dread having her latch on, even though I so badly want to still enjoy nursing her. Everytime she tries to nurse, I just end up in tears. I know how much we both want things to be back to normal and I hate seeing her so sad about it. She usually asks to cuddle with my breast, which I think if you are a mother who has nursed, you can understand. I think it's her way of still being close to what she loves most, what she finds comforting, because it's the closest she can come to it. I so badly want nursing to just go back to normal and I just keep thinking, there is an end in sight when this baby is here! Even if Abby does decide to wean (which I really hope not, after all we've been through the past 9 months) at least I can enjoy nursing again with the new baby.
Well, I better get to bed. I'm trying my best to be well rested at all times, so I don't have another repeat of Abby's labor. I hope my next update is after this baby is here!

Waiting

Well, I've hit that point, and now all there is left to do is wait. I'm due in 5 days, and I'll admit that I'm getting anxious. I hate that feeling of knowing that something is coming or happening and yet I have no idea when that is. My thoughts and emotions are all over the place, I can't seem to keep them in check. One minute, I want to enjoy the time I have left being pregnant and having Abby as our only child. The next minute, I am too uncomfortable to care and anxious to see her and I just want this baby out. I'm sure there's no way to really get through this but to let it take it's course. I just wish I knew a way to find peace and just enjoy the time in this pregnancy that remains, without being so anxious about what is to come.

Here's what is hopefully my last belly picture of the pregnancy, 39 weeks:



Hopefully my next update will include pictures of our new little one!