As a mom, we all know that our days are filled with messes. Someone spills a drink, someone throws food and let's not forget the *lovely* diapers to be changed. Today turned out to be a day full of more messes than usual and it's left me feeling wiped out (pun intended!)
My mess tally for the day:
1. I give Anna a bowl of Cherrios for breakfast because she doesn't want to sit at the table. It's one of those snack bowls that they can reach in and grab everything. Instead of eating them though, she goes into the living room and shakes all of the food out of it. (The #1 reason I don't use them often) Floor needs vacuumed so I don't have to pick up each one by hand.
2. Lunch - Anna decides to play with her yogurt instead of eating most of it. Ends up in her hair, on her clothes, on the table and in her chair. Change of clothes needed.
3. Abby then spills her soup all over the floor and my brand new shoes, because she's playing instead of sitting at the table eating. The floor and my shoes needed a good wipe down.
4. Afternoon - We go outside to play in what seems like a beautiful, sunny and dry day. Think again! The snow has been melting and left a huge river down our sidewalk. Before I can catch her, Anna runs into the water and starts splashing around. I only put shoes on her, so I knew she was already soaked. I decided there was no point fighting it because she was already wet and let them splash in the water. *sigh* Change of clothes #2 for Anna, snowsuit and clothes go in the washer.
5. Abby is standing by the table and suddenly looks up at me and says "I peed". "You peed? You didn't even tell me you had to go potty!" "I didn't have to go" "If you peed, then you did have to go, why didn't you tell me?" "Because going potty isn't fun" *sigh* Strip off everything below her waist and clean up a large puddle of pee off of the floor.
6. Dinner - I give Anna a small cup of juice and instead of drinking it, she decides to play with it. She ends up with juice all down the front of her. Since we are going upstairs to do bathtime after dinner, I just wait to change her.
7. Bathtime - I get Anna undressed and plop her in the bath and as Abby is getting undressed, I start to wet down Anna's hair. She scooches forward and leaves a streak. Scooches forward again and leaves another streak. Poop! Ugh! So out of the tub she goes so I can clean up the poop and clean her up.
8. And as the day comes to an end, I put the girls to bed and then come downstairs to clean up the biggest mess of all. The toys scattered all over the house, the food left on the table (and floor) from dinner, the laundry to be folded and dishes to be done. I'm starting to look forward to the day when my children are a little less messy (if that day every comes)!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Small update
I guess updating my blog isn't as easy when I'm typing one-handed all the time!
The last few weeks have passed, and Anna is growing as every baby does. She's becoming more alert and having more happy/content periods throughout the day. She smiles and coo's back and me and it just melts my heart! I'm trying to savor every moment, because I think back to Abigail, and I barely remember all of this.
Abby seems to be feeling left out more lately. She is clinging to me more and requesting me for bathtime and bedtime. It's hard, because I'm not always available to do it, when I'm nursing Anna. I also need a bit of a break on days that DH is at work. I'm with them 24 hours a day without a break most days, so I appreciate when I can take just one or the other and spend some one-on-one time. I'm still finding it's hard mentally, to balance both girls. How do I split my attention between them equally without feeling guilty? Anna is so dependent on me and yet, I used to be able to devote all of my time to Abby. I feel guilty when I ignore one to pay attention to the other. It must get easier, because so many people go on to have more than 2 children!
In other news, my mother-in-law is coming to visit in just over a week! She hasn't met Anna yet, so it will be exciting to have her around for a few days.
On a final note, I just have to say - I can't wait for spring! I'm starting to go nuts being couped up inside the house everyday. I just want to get out in the sun, and breathe some fresh air!
The last few weeks have passed, and Anna is growing as every baby does. She's becoming more alert and having more happy/content periods throughout the day. She smiles and coo's back and me and it just melts my heart! I'm trying to savor every moment, because I think back to Abigail, and I barely remember all of this.
Abby seems to be feeling left out more lately. She is clinging to me more and requesting me for bathtime and bedtime. It's hard, because I'm not always available to do it, when I'm nursing Anna. I also need a bit of a break on days that DH is at work. I'm with them 24 hours a day without a break most days, so I appreciate when I can take just one or the other and spend some one-on-one time. I'm still finding it's hard mentally, to balance both girls. How do I split my attention between them equally without feeling guilty? Anna is so dependent on me and yet, I used to be able to devote all of my time to Abby. I feel guilty when I ignore one to pay attention to the other. It must get easier, because so many people go on to have more than 2 children!
In other news, my mother-in-law is coming to visit in just over a week! She hasn't met Anna yet, so it will be exciting to have her around for a few days.
On a final note, I just have to say - I can't wait for spring! I'm starting to go nuts being couped up inside the house everyday. I just want to get out in the sun, and breathe some fresh air!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Mom of 2
Life has been a little crazy the past few weeks. Adjusting to having a newborn again is...well, an adjustment. It's not quite as dramatic as it was when Abigail was born. Breastfeeding has been going very smoothly and Anna seems to sleep more and eat less than Abigail did. I think just knowing what to expect helps though. It's easier to adjust to having a baby when you aren't so overwhelmed by the concept of just having a newborn.
I still have found myself getting overwhelmed sometimes, especially when I am at home alone and trying to balance the needs of a toddler and newborn. I have heard people say that after this, adding another child is nothing, but I don't know. I have gone from possibly wanting another one a month ago, to being not so sure. The newborn days have made me question whether I want to do this again. I don't do well with a lack of sleep and chaos. It's hard to go from an independent toddler to a completely dependent on me newborn. I know in the next month or two it will get easier and the hardest of it is pretty much over with now that we are all settled in. Now it's just a matter of Anna getting bigger, developing and getting into a daily routine that we can all work with. Unfortunately, she's not quite as portable as I was hoping, maybe some of my fault, and some of just being a newborn. She was an easy baby the first 10 days or so, eating and sleeping. Then she started getting fussy and now if she isn't eating or sleeping, she's crying or fussing. At least I seem to get 2-3 naps from her during the day and at least a 2-3 hour stretch at night, sometimes up to 5 hours.
It still seems strange to think that I'm actually a mom of 2 children. I'm having a hard time spending so much less time with Abigail when I'm used to being able to give her my full time and attention. It's true that your love just divides when you have another child, and you love the new one as much as your first. I have to admit that there are times I like one child over the other though, lol
Abigail is vying for my attention as I type this and I'm having a hard time concentrating on what I want to write, so I might as well wrap it up. More ramblings to come I'm sure!
I still have found myself getting overwhelmed sometimes, especially when I am at home alone and trying to balance the needs of a toddler and newborn. I have heard people say that after this, adding another child is nothing, but I don't know. I have gone from possibly wanting another one a month ago, to being not so sure. The newborn days have made me question whether I want to do this again. I don't do well with a lack of sleep and chaos. It's hard to go from an independent toddler to a completely dependent on me newborn. I know in the next month or two it will get easier and the hardest of it is pretty much over with now that we are all settled in. Now it's just a matter of Anna getting bigger, developing and getting into a daily routine that we can all work with. Unfortunately, she's not quite as portable as I was hoping, maybe some of my fault, and some of just being a newborn. She was an easy baby the first 10 days or so, eating and sleeping. Then she started getting fussy and now if she isn't eating or sleeping, she's crying or fussing. At least I seem to get 2-3 naps from her during the day and at least a 2-3 hour stretch at night, sometimes up to 5 hours.
It still seems strange to think that I'm actually a mom of 2 children. I'm having a hard time spending so much less time with Abigail when I'm used to being able to give her my full time and attention. It's true that your love just divides when you have another child, and you love the new one as much as your first. I have to admit that there are times I like one child over the other though, lol
Abigail is vying for my attention as I type this and I'm having a hard time concentrating on what I want to write, so I might as well wrap it up. More ramblings to come I'm sure!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Birth story of Anna Grace
Disclaimer: this may be a little graphic for some, read at your own risk!
Wednesday night I started feeling some pain in my back, it would come and go, but without contractions. It made me think it could be my body preparing for labor and knowing she was posterior, I expected I could have back labor. I went to bed around 11-12 and grabbed the heating pad, because in certain positions, I could really feel the pain in my back. I slept until about 4, on and off, when I woke up with a good contraction and then another maybe 15 minutes later. I decided I wouldn't be able to sleep through this and decided to get up and take a shower. I knew it could be the start of labor, but didn't want to get my hopes up. I had another contraction in the shower, and DH peeked his head in to ask what I was doing. I still wasn't confident to say I was in labor, so I told him I was having some contractions, but it was probably nothing and to go back to bed.I came downstairs and started brewing some tea, since I've heard it can help while in labor. I started timing contractions and came on here, and realized they were a steady 7-10 min apart lasting a minute. After 5-6 of them, I wasn't 100% sure still (I have no idea why) but decided to call my parents. It was about 5:30am at this point. The pain was definitely intense, I couldn't focus through the contractions, and my hips and back hurt like heck. I finally broke down in tears after one because of the pain. My labor with Abigail was not this intense from the start, and the pain I was feeling was much worse. I started to question my decision to do this naturally, but knew I wouldn't back out now. I decided at this point, if this wasn't it, my body had to be playing a very cruel joke on me. My parents arrived around 6:30 and Abby had woken up, so we started getting her ready for the day. DH asked if I wanted to call the birth center and I told him no, I wanted to wait until things got closer and more intense. My mom stepped in and told me no, she felt things were moving along and I needed to go. I gave in and DH called the birth center to let them know we would be coming in. I realized some of the contractions were at 4-5 minutes so I realized it was probably a good idea. Things went fast with Abby once I hit transition, so I didn't want to risk cutting it too close.We arrived at the birth center at 7:45 at the same time as my midwife, Kip, and she started filling the tub. I went right to the bathroom and realized my body started the whole cleaning itself out process and also noticed some bloody show. I think I still questioned if this was the real deal, but decided those were good signs, lol I jumped right into the tub when it was filled and it felt so good. It didn't relieve the pain, but when I got out for the first time, I realized sitting in the tub actually took some of the intensity off the contractions. I got out a few times to pee and felt like things were slowing down in the tub. I think it was about 9am and I realized my contractions were about 7 min apart still in the tub, so I decided to get out. I paced the room, sat on the toilet and the birth ball...I really had no idea what I wanted, but I thought I would just try different things to see if anything really worked. The contractions really hurt at this point, the pain in my back and hips was very intense. Nothing seemed to work to help relieve it, and I finally decided I needed to get back in the tub, if only to get a little bit of relief. My sister had arrived and everyone was in and out of the room, including Abby to visit me and see how things were going. It was nice to just be in a peaceful setting and let things happen as they were going to. I enjoyed being alone for the most part though, so I could focus and feel free to labor how I was comfortable. I was definitely more vocal with this labor, moaning through each contractions, because that's just what felt good to get through the pain of the contractions. Once I got back in the tub, I got my knees and leaned against the side of the tub, the only position that seemed to make an ounce of difference for my comfort. After about 2-3 contractions, I looked at whoever was in the room (I can't remember if it was my midwife or DH) and said "I think things are getting close" because I was starting to feel some pressure. Things are a bit of a blur from that point, but I stayed in that position and things intensified quickly. My contractions were definitely very close together and I was feeling pressure with each one. After a few more, I felt my body start to push. WOW! I couldn't believe the feeling, it's just indescribable. I kept my face buried in the towel I had laying on the side of the tub, but was aware that they had started letting my support people into the room, DH, my mom and sister, along with the 2 midwives and doula that were there. Feeling her come down was so painful, yet such a relief at the same time. I put my hand down and could feel the baby's head pushing up against everything, but she wasn't crowning yet. Clarice had stepped in to see how things were progressing, and told me that she was right there and she could feel the sac. Then I realized my water had never broken, and she was coming out in her sac. I kept feeling as she came out, and it was just amazing to feel the bulge of her sac instead of her head, which I had expected to feel all along. My body took over and I just pushed as I felt the urge. My midwives kept telling me what a great job I was doing and to go with it, which was so encouraging. I remember screaming at some point "Get her out!" as she was starting to crown. It was this overwhelming urge to push her out, that I just couldn't control. I screamed with every push because it felt like the only way to relieve the feeling. After she crowned, it was only 1 or 2 pushes and I felt her head slip out, then her body. What a huge relief! I reached down and picked her up out of the water and leaned back into the tub and put her to my chest. I remember saying "Wow, there really was a baby in there!" because the whole experience still seemed so unreal.We sat in the tub until the placenta was delivered then they helped me out and into the bed. They let my dad and Abby come in at that point, so Abby could meet her new little sister. I started nursing her, and she pretty much didn't want to let go! She ended up nursing for an hour, then I stopped her so we could check her weight and length and they could check me to see how my bleeding was and if I tore. I was amazed to find out that I didnt' have even a small tear, and I honestly felt great! I was physically a little sore, but I didn't feel even half as bad as I did after having Abigail. I know she turned before she came out, because she came out the right way, but I never felt it or realized it when I did feel it. I know she was still posterior through most of the labor though, because I could still feel moving in the same places.We decided on the name Annabelle (Anna) Grace and she weighed 8lbs 8oz and 21.5in long. She was born at 9:56am and I was amazed to see her head full of dark hair. She nursed for another 2 hours at the birth center and I realized I already had a marathon nurser on my hands! She passed a ton of meconium while we were there before we took the herbal bath, so I knew she was already getting something. We went home after 5 hours and have been relaxing here ever since. The entire expereince was just amazing overall. Giving birth completely natural was so empowering. It was so much tougher than I expected, with the back labor, but the overall experience of birthing in the birth center over the hospital, was better. I enjoyed being just free in my labor, and moving around helped a ton to get through the contractions. I know if I had been in a hospital, I would have never made it without asking for an epidural. My recovery has been extremely easy, and I feel great just 48 hours later. It's so nice to be home and relax instead of being stuck in the hospital for several days. I would do this all again in a heartbeat!
Wednesday night I started feeling some pain in my back, it would come and go, but without contractions. It made me think it could be my body preparing for labor and knowing she was posterior, I expected I could have back labor. I went to bed around 11-12 and grabbed the heating pad, because in certain positions, I could really feel the pain in my back. I slept until about 4, on and off, when I woke up with a good contraction and then another maybe 15 minutes later. I decided I wouldn't be able to sleep through this and decided to get up and take a shower. I knew it could be the start of labor, but didn't want to get my hopes up. I had another contraction in the shower, and DH peeked his head in to ask what I was doing. I still wasn't confident to say I was in labor, so I told him I was having some contractions, but it was probably nothing and to go back to bed.I came downstairs and started brewing some tea, since I've heard it can help while in labor. I started timing contractions and came on here, and realized they were a steady 7-10 min apart lasting a minute. After 5-6 of them, I wasn't 100% sure still (I have no idea why) but decided to call my parents. It was about 5:30am at this point. The pain was definitely intense, I couldn't focus through the contractions, and my hips and back hurt like heck. I finally broke down in tears after one because of the pain. My labor with Abigail was not this intense from the start, and the pain I was feeling was much worse. I started to question my decision to do this naturally, but knew I wouldn't back out now. I decided at this point, if this wasn't it, my body had to be playing a very cruel joke on me. My parents arrived around 6:30 and Abby had woken up, so we started getting her ready for the day. DH asked if I wanted to call the birth center and I told him no, I wanted to wait until things got closer and more intense. My mom stepped in and told me no, she felt things were moving along and I needed to go. I gave in and DH called the birth center to let them know we would be coming in. I realized some of the contractions were at 4-5 minutes so I realized it was probably a good idea. Things went fast with Abby once I hit transition, so I didn't want to risk cutting it too close.We arrived at the birth center at 7:45 at the same time as my midwife, Kip, and she started filling the tub. I went right to the bathroom and realized my body started the whole cleaning itself out process and also noticed some bloody show. I think I still questioned if this was the real deal, but decided those were good signs, lol I jumped right into the tub when it was filled and it felt so good. It didn't relieve the pain, but when I got out for the first time, I realized sitting in the tub actually took some of the intensity off the contractions. I got out a few times to pee and felt like things were slowing down in the tub. I think it was about 9am and I realized my contractions were about 7 min apart still in the tub, so I decided to get out. I paced the room, sat on the toilet and the birth ball...I really had no idea what I wanted, but I thought I would just try different things to see if anything really worked. The contractions really hurt at this point, the pain in my back and hips was very intense. Nothing seemed to work to help relieve it, and I finally decided I needed to get back in the tub, if only to get a little bit of relief. My sister had arrived and everyone was in and out of the room, including Abby to visit me and see how things were going. It was nice to just be in a peaceful setting and let things happen as they were going to. I enjoyed being alone for the most part though, so I could focus and feel free to labor how I was comfortable. I was definitely more vocal with this labor, moaning through each contractions, because that's just what felt good to get through the pain of the contractions. Once I got back in the tub, I got my knees and leaned against the side of the tub, the only position that seemed to make an ounce of difference for my comfort. After about 2-3 contractions, I looked at whoever was in the room (I can't remember if it was my midwife or DH) and said "I think things are getting close" because I was starting to feel some pressure. Things are a bit of a blur from that point, but I stayed in that position and things intensified quickly. My contractions were definitely very close together and I was feeling pressure with each one. After a few more, I felt my body start to push. WOW! I couldn't believe the feeling, it's just indescribable. I kept my face buried in the towel I had laying on the side of the tub, but was aware that they had started letting my support people into the room, DH, my mom and sister, along with the 2 midwives and doula that were there. Feeling her come down was so painful, yet such a relief at the same time. I put my hand down and could feel the baby's head pushing up against everything, but she wasn't crowning yet. Clarice had stepped in to see how things were progressing, and told me that she was right there and she could feel the sac. Then I realized my water had never broken, and she was coming out in her sac. I kept feeling as she came out, and it was just amazing to feel the bulge of her sac instead of her head, which I had expected to feel all along. My body took over and I just pushed as I felt the urge. My midwives kept telling me what a great job I was doing and to go with it, which was so encouraging. I remember screaming at some point "Get her out!" as she was starting to crown. It was this overwhelming urge to push her out, that I just couldn't control. I screamed with every push because it felt like the only way to relieve the feeling. After she crowned, it was only 1 or 2 pushes and I felt her head slip out, then her body. What a huge relief! I reached down and picked her up out of the water and leaned back into the tub and put her to my chest. I remember saying "Wow, there really was a baby in there!" because the whole experience still seemed so unreal.We sat in the tub until the placenta was delivered then they helped me out and into the bed. They let my dad and Abby come in at that point, so Abby could meet her new little sister. I started nursing her, and she pretty much didn't want to let go! She ended up nursing for an hour, then I stopped her so we could check her weight and length and they could check me to see how my bleeding was and if I tore. I was amazed to find out that I didnt' have even a small tear, and I honestly felt great! I was physically a little sore, but I didn't feel even half as bad as I did after having Abigail. I know she turned before she came out, because she came out the right way, but I never felt it or realized it when I did feel it. I know she was still posterior through most of the labor though, because I could still feel moving in the same places.We decided on the name Annabelle (Anna) Grace and she weighed 8lbs 8oz and 21.5in long. She was born at 9:56am and I was amazed to see her head full of dark hair. She nursed for another 2 hours at the birth center and I realized I already had a marathon nurser on my hands! She passed a ton of meconium while we were there before we took the herbal bath, so I knew she was already getting something. We went home after 5 hours and have been relaxing here ever since. The entire expereince was just amazing overall. Giving birth completely natural was so empowering. It was so much tougher than I expected, with the back labor, but the overall experience of birthing in the birth center over the hospital, was better. I enjoyed being just free in my labor, and moving around helped a ton to get through the contractions. I know if I had been in a hospital, I would have never made it without asking for an epidural. My recovery has been extremely easy, and I feel great just 48 hours later. It's so nice to be home and relax instead of being stuck in the hospital for several days. I would do this all again in a heartbeat!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Annabelle Grace
Annabelle Grace arrived in this world on December 11th, at 9:56am.
She weighed 8lbs 8oz and was 21.5in long
My labor was amazing, only 6 hours long, lots of back labor, but I feel so empowered to have done it naturally. I gave birth at the Greenhouse Birth Center with my husband, mom, sister and midwives looking on. I'll post a quick picture, since Anna is waking up, and I'll copy my birth story off of the forums next time I get a chance.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Patiently waiting for baby
HA! Give me a break, that was easy to say 3 months ago. Now, not so much. I think patience flies out the window once you pass your due date and are still pregnant. I am DONE! I am miserable and uncomfortable and just flat out done being pregnant. I have baked my little one for well over 40 weeks and endured the aches, discomforts and emotional strain to go along with it. I can't help but to think, what is wrong with me? Is there something wrong with my body or my baby that is preventing me from going into labor or her from being born yet? Will I be one of those women who goes well over a week overdue - or....MORE! Ahhh! I'd like to keep faith in my body and trust that it will do what it needs to and go into labor when we're both ready. I have seen women go 10-14 or even more days over and it makes me wonder, why? Or is it just a misconception that all babies should be born by now, like the 37 week "full term"?
Either way, I'm miserable and very ready for this pregnancy to be over with! 40 weeks and 2 days is plenty for me, and I know I am doing everything possible to give this baby the best start. So why me? Why am I one of the unlucky ones?
I'm starting to think that I need to just disconnect myself from everyone completely for a few days. It's doing well to keep my spirits up, but I don't even want to think about being pregnant anymore or even about the baby for that matter. I know that sounds horrible, but I have definitely felt more disconnected from this pregnancy than I was with the last one. I think much of it is just this being the second baby and learning to split my love and attention. I know once she is born, that will all change. It's just so hard to walk into her room or see her things and be constantly reminded that she should be using these things. I walked into her room yesterday to put a new outfit away and couldn't even let myself think about her at that point. I just felt so depressed looking at all of the baby items in her closet, waiting to be used. Is it better this way? I don't know, I'm starting to wonder if I should get myself more involved in this pregnancy and get psyched up for labor and birth again. I don't want to watch A Baby Story or birth videos online. I want to be inspired, to get myself excited about this birth, but I hate the constant reminder of not having that yet. I know that once this baby is here, in the grand scheme of things, this will be nothing. I will forget all about the way I have felt these past few days and weeks. The problem is, how to get through it? How do I get through each day and deal with the different emotions I'm going through? The anticipation of what is to come is the worst, not knowing when it will happen or if it could be a day or a week.
Either way, I'm miserable and very ready for this pregnancy to be over with! 40 weeks and 2 days is plenty for me, and I know I am doing everything possible to give this baby the best start. So why me? Why am I one of the unlucky ones?
I'm starting to think that I need to just disconnect myself from everyone completely for a few days. It's doing well to keep my spirits up, but I don't even want to think about being pregnant anymore or even about the baby for that matter. I know that sounds horrible, but I have definitely felt more disconnected from this pregnancy than I was with the last one. I think much of it is just this being the second baby and learning to split my love and attention. I know once she is born, that will all change. It's just so hard to walk into her room or see her things and be constantly reminded that she should be using these things. I walked into her room yesterday to put a new outfit away and couldn't even let myself think about her at that point. I just felt so depressed looking at all of the baby items in her closet, waiting to be used. Is it better this way? I don't know, I'm starting to wonder if I should get myself more involved in this pregnancy and get psyched up for labor and birth again. I don't want to watch A Baby Story or birth videos online. I want to be inspired, to get myself excited about this birth, but I hate the constant reminder of not having that yet. I know that once this baby is here, in the grand scheme of things, this will be nothing. I will forget all about the way I have felt these past few days and weeks. The problem is, how to get through it? How do I get through each day and deal with the different emotions I'm going through? The anticipation of what is to come is the worst, not knowing when it will happen or if it could be a day or a week.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Getting discouraged
I know this is silly, but I have to admit that I am getting discouraged. I know that every baby comes when they are ready and that no woman will be pregnant forever. There are so many babies being born in the DDC right now though, and so many of them at 37 and 38 weeks. It's hard not to think "Why not me? Why am I still pregnant and miserable?" I know when this baby was concieved from charting, so my dates are 100%, along with my due date. I went into labor and Abigail was born on her due date, based off of ovualtion, so all along, I've suspected that I won't stray too far from that pattern. I've been guessing 2 days either way of my due date (with the rare chance I'll have another due date baby) That would mean this baby will come in the next 4 days, and I just hope I'm right! I'm only 2 days from my due date now, and so discouraged. I want to just be relaxed about it all, to sit back and let labor happen when it will. Let's face it, what control do we have over it anyway? It seems silly to stress over something that I have no control over in the first place. But that just isn't helping the anxiety. The thoughts of "It could be any time". I've been trying to keep myself occupied and keep my mind off of things, but I'm having such a hard time. No matter how much I try, my mind keeps wandering to the pregnancy and impending labor. Why does the end of pregnancy have to be this difficult? Can't I just find something to occupy me so I'm not thinking about it so much?
It doesn't help that my body has been in full gear prep for the past 2 days. DH and I DTD a few days ago which I think is helping my body prepare. On Thursday, I had contractions all day long along with losing big pieces of my mucous plug. I'm losing even more today. Even though I've had both of these things for the past few weeks, paired together like that, it makes me believe my body is in full gear, getting ready for labor. Of course it could still be another week, or just a few days, there is just no way to know. I just keep hoping it's sooner rather than later. I can only see myself getting even more discouraged if this baby is still hanging out in a week.
There are times that I want to just enjoy this pregnancy for the little bit I have left. I'm so uncomfortable though, and now I'm not sleeping worth crap. Having a newborn isn't a walk in the park, but at least I will have somewhat have my body back! Everytime I try to nurse Abigail, it makes me wish even more that this pregnancy is over with. It has affected our nursing relationship and I know she is just as emotionally torn as I am about it. She barely tries to nurse anymore, and I'm sure it's because she can sense how tense I am going into it. It always hurts, but now it's a whole new type of pain than I've been experiencing the rest of the pregnancy. I just dread having her latch on, even though I so badly want to still enjoy nursing her. Everytime she tries to nurse, I just end up in tears. I know how much we both want things to be back to normal and I hate seeing her so sad about it. She usually asks to cuddle with my breast, which I think if you are a mother who has nursed, you can understand. I think it's her way of still being close to what she loves most, what she finds comforting, because it's the closest she can come to it. I so badly want nursing to just go back to normal and I just keep thinking, there is an end in sight when this baby is here! Even if Abby does decide to wean (which I really hope not, after all we've been through the past 9 months) at least I can enjoy nursing again with the new baby.
Well, I better get to bed. I'm trying my best to be well rested at all times, so I don't have another repeat of Abby's labor. I hope my next update is after this baby is here!
It doesn't help that my body has been in full gear prep for the past 2 days. DH and I DTD a few days ago which I think is helping my body prepare. On Thursday, I had contractions all day long along with losing big pieces of my mucous plug. I'm losing even more today. Even though I've had both of these things for the past few weeks, paired together like that, it makes me believe my body is in full gear, getting ready for labor. Of course it could still be another week, or just a few days, there is just no way to know. I just keep hoping it's sooner rather than later. I can only see myself getting even more discouraged if this baby is still hanging out in a week.
There are times that I want to just enjoy this pregnancy for the little bit I have left. I'm so uncomfortable though, and now I'm not sleeping worth crap. Having a newborn isn't a walk in the park, but at least I will have somewhat have my body back! Everytime I try to nurse Abigail, it makes me wish even more that this pregnancy is over with. It has affected our nursing relationship and I know she is just as emotionally torn as I am about it. She barely tries to nurse anymore, and I'm sure it's because she can sense how tense I am going into it. It always hurts, but now it's a whole new type of pain than I've been experiencing the rest of the pregnancy. I just dread having her latch on, even though I so badly want to still enjoy nursing her. Everytime she tries to nurse, I just end up in tears. I know how much we both want things to be back to normal and I hate seeing her so sad about it. She usually asks to cuddle with my breast, which I think if you are a mother who has nursed, you can understand. I think it's her way of still being close to what she loves most, what she finds comforting, because it's the closest she can come to it. I so badly want nursing to just go back to normal and I just keep thinking, there is an end in sight when this baby is here! Even if Abby does decide to wean (which I really hope not, after all we've been through the past 9 months) at least I can enjoy nursing again with the new baby.
Well, I better get to bed. I'm trying my best to be well rested at all times, so I don't have another repeat of Abby's labor. I hope my next update is after this baby is here!
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